Archive for true love

Love (in four acts)

Posted in love, Poetry, Reality Bites, Relationships, sex, society, Technology, Wizard Quotes, World of Emotions with tags , , , , , on July 30, 2008 by wizardsmoke

Frankly I’m sick of hearing about love. But it’s the main thing everyone in the universe is infatuated with. No matter the flavor, isn’t everything that causes existence a manifestation of the same root? The same springboard of love? Bah!!!

But still, let’s talk about romantic love again, even though I know nothing about it.

As an immature young whipper-snapper on the quest for idealistic romance, I tended to rationalize or theorize about love, about how it should work out best, or how I might be able to find a “soul mate”. Following this blind idealistic view, I remember I tended to categorize potential mates on a grid with two axis: “X” indicated pure physical attraction and “Y” was personal compatibility, understanding, chemistry, emotional resonance, etc.

Thus my dorky teenage model was: (optimal attraction) x (optimal personal compatibility) = (love of life)

Obviously the problem with this simplistic model is that there are no clear divisions between physical attraction and emotional/individual personality compatibility. Nor is there necessarily any reason for any two people to fall in love without a pretext under which to meet or befriend each other. Isn’t this why so many people fall in love after going through a serious or difficult ordeal together? It’s the same as a bond made between soldiers who live and fight together, really.

In fact, I find that this is a real problem with online dating services, that there is no motivation and no spontaneity to breathe romantic life into potential courtships. Dating services tend to categorize matches based on shallow personal interests and likes/dislikes, when love is not something you can gauge. And the things most of us write about ourselves are too one-sided or dishonest to be particularly useful in a romantic dating service search.

But people want company. I understand. I can’t blame ’em, really, since I feel that way too on occasion. The real tricky thing about love, and life in general, is that your perspective of it changes over time. And love itself changes with age and maturity. When sexual feelings are strongest it is most related to physical attraction or emotional chemistry, and later in life it often becomes a product of compatibility or peer admiration.

In my current dorky system of love analysis, I like to separate romance into four stages, representing the four seasons:

(1) Spring/youth — Here love is driven mainly by a physical, sexual attraction and lustful urges.

(2) Summer/young adulthood — This kind of love is accompanied by emotional longing, explosive chemistry and new realizations about what makes another person sexually alluring.

(3) Autumn/adulthood — Here the idea of romance factors in one’s lifestyle, moral upstanding, personal compatibility (i.e. things outside of mere shared interests) and mutual longterm goals.

(4) Winter/old age — I think in the final evolution of romance, before it returns to pure physical attraction, it is about simple companionship. Here I think people become less critical of each other’s interests or physical qualities and merely crave good company.

These are all slightly different manifestations of love, and I’d surely have argued at one point in my life that so-called “youthful love” is just attachment to lust. But to that extent, all of these categories are lustful attachments! I think the reason so many people don’t easily fall in love for extended periods of time these days, or the reason divorce rates are so high, is because people think about their choices too much. We’re too judgmental of each other. A plethora of choices and opportunities makes the attention span suffer.

But, eventually people become old and the final stage of love descends. There’s no escape from these sentiments if you seek to “fall in love” with another human, but it becomes harder to meet people as we age, so it’s a good idea to factor in all of these long-term interests when searching for intimacy.

***

Soon I grew and happy too
My very good friends and me
We’d play all day and Sally J.
The girl from number four
And very soon I begged her,

“Won’t you keep me company?”

Now marriage is an institution sure
My wife and I, our needs and nothing more,

all my friends by a year, by and by disappear
But we’re safe enough behind our door.

I flourished in my humble trade
My reputation grew
The work devoured my waking hours
But when my time was through
Reward of all my efforts my own limited company

I hardly noticed Sally as we
Parted company
All through the years in the end it appears
There was never really anyone but me

Now I’m old I puff my pipe
But no one’s there to see

I ponder on the lesson of
My life’s insanity
Take care of those you call your own
And keep good company

Queen; “Good Company” from A Night at the Opera

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True Romance

Posted in Beauty, love, martial arts, Relationships, sex, society, The Media, Ultimate Reality, World of Emotions with tags , , , on July 3, 2008 by wizardsmoke

My darling, you are too lovely to ever truly be loved.

I’ve written about love before. Not that I actually know anything about it, hee hee! It seems like life is one big love triangle because we always expect something in return. We want those things we love for ourselves. Isn’t this what pushes everything away in the end? Possession and control. But everything in nature can only be absorbed. You don’t find things, they come to you. That’s where opportunity strikes. As they say in Taijiquan: “let the thief into the house”.

Nearly everyone experiences at one time or another the illusions of a romantic fantasy, the embellishment of another person in their mind; a person who is either not reciprocal in their affections or does not actually exist the way one imagines them to be. And many people become lost or jaded when they discover that their internal notion of romantic love was largely a fantasy.

But some other people find this realization to be liberating. For how could life be any other way? It’s easy to speculate upon the world, or how things might be, but it’s impractical. That is, an untamed and emotional imagination is not going to shape the world in its own image. The world will chew it up and make it sick or complicated.

Imagination is very important in all walks of life. Life itself is imagined into being on some level; physical and emotional reality is like the untamed “fungus” in the universal cosmos. Life is a potent dream that we are living. But to make our individual dreams become real, we have to project our entire efforts into living, not more dreaming (personally I still struggle with this conundrum).

I once saw a pretty good debate between a priest and a Satanist. The priest posited that the astral realm is only problematic in that a lot of occult groups stress too much emphasis on acting within it. But when people resolve themselves to act only in the astral realm and begin to ignore the importance of consistency and willpower in daily life, they begin to live in a fantasy world. Astral projection can become like playing World of Warcraft every day and ignoring the obligations of daily life. These people become hippies, New Agers, and so forth.

Both Taijiquan and Budo Taijutsu (and probably other arts) use the Chinese character for perseverance as their symbol. The art of perseverance is the only thing necessary to survive in the universe or succeed at any thing. To live on your own terms or create the world you wish to live in, you have to embody perseverance. As one walks down this path, the things in life that once seemed so difficult are mere trifles. The hardships of daily life becomes one’s training ground, one’s partner.

As everyone in the universe will tell you: hard work is what counts. Even if you don’t have any talent, hard work will save you in the end. Hard work is what gains recognition and the trust of others. A person with talent is nothing without ability and a person with ability is nothing without hard work.

The hardest work of all is loving someone for who they are, selflessly. Love without expectations! I’ve heard that extra-marital affairs are not frowned upon in French society and furthermore, in some traditions with fixed marriages, a passionate affair can be a holy or positive event. Even love has different faces, it would seem. But those passionate love affairs burn out, don’t they? So how can they be any kind of true love? They are more like obsessions.

Perhaps the best exposition on love ever put to film is the 1945 French movie, Les Enfants du Paradis. Only a fool would miss that one!