Archive for emotions


Posted in Doom and Evil, Fighting, Happiness, love, Reality Bites, Relationships, sex and violence, society, Stayin' Alive, World of Emotions with tags , , , , , , , , on January 10, 2009 by wizardsmoke

The times in my adult life that I’ve actually cried were not from periods of grief, calamity, extended depression or “sadness”. No, I’ve often found that tears come in times of last-minute catharsis. Sure, you could say an excess of joy weeps, but I think it’s more like, reassurance in the face of impending despair. That is, the happy or joyous things that make me cry do so because I realize suddenly that they almost didn’t happen. Considering how much of life is rough around the edges, cold, lonely, prickly, and so forth — when something really nice happens it’s such a spiked contrast. Really horrible things, they simply rob a person of emotional output — they’re catatonic experiences.

Watching a film like Barefoot Gen makes me want to cry. Ah, I’m no stranger to sad or depressing movies; but Barefoot Gen is like if you combined the two Ghibli films, Grave of the Fireflies and My Neighbor Totoro — both totally heart-rending films — into one horrific account of the Hiroshima bomb blast.

Anyway, truly nice things and people are pretty rare. It takes a lot of strength to do things selflessly, being able to do good things without freezing up or letting oneself become drained or emotional. I admire people who can do that, even if I have trouble expressing it. But I wonder where this all contrasts with the necessities of the world today. Israel/Palestine, Russia/Georgia, US/Iraq, African genocides, indigenous peoples, etc. How nice can you be when you’re forced to choose loyalties between military powers or states or religious conflicts? People talk all big about principles and ethics and morals, but I think everyone fundamentally chooses their family and friends before ideologies.

I guess really nice people have no loyalties to anyone in particular, just a particular set of moral qualities. But that is directly threatening or at odds with nation-state laws. And that’s why some things are so tear-jerking — because they’re so rare. After all, to reign people in, to keep order and live in organized societies, we need brutal laws which punish people inappropriately to their actions.


No more tears

Posted in Beauty, Buddhism, Christianity, Cults, love, Reality Bites, Relationships, Religion, World of Emotions with tags , , , , , , on September 7, 2008 by wizardsmoke

In some sense, romantic ideals create delusions of purpose and concrete meaning (romanticism carries a notion of “victory”). Even positive romantic sensibilities — the desire to help others, to save others, to create balance, to liberate everyone, to change the world — these are all romantic fantasies. They often have little to do with the present moment and result in emotional states. Real compassion isn’t necessarily defined by lending out a helping hand or martyrdom.

Romance is often queued by cults and manipulative propaganda in order to ensnare victims in an agenda. The romance of having a divine message or purpose, of doing good or committing justice… this is all so fishy! Ah, not that these things are wrong, but… Romance — just that word which we commonly attribute to dramatic or loving sexual relationships — it is the transmission of a captivating and powerful message which one longs to believe in.

But to get to the bottom of it all, one goes beyond even romance. Romance has an agenda at the end of the day. Sure, everything has a romantic angle. Even the most profound practices have to start with a romantic motivation. But real (natural) power, once it starts to appear in one’s experience, comes from going beyond romantic notions. Romance is like a welling or surging wave of emotion in the mind which makes one temporarily blind and vulnerable to the will of another. The romantic notion is an attractant, a torrent which lures one into its whirlpool. It can often be another’s vanity reflected in our own mind.

Still, it’s kinda funny, because without any romance in the first place, there’d be no beauty in life and no obstacles or waves to overcome in building up natural power. Isn’t that right? We all cry about how painful life is, but then we all want the pain in order to prove how strong we are by overcoming it all and subsequently telling other people how great we are.

Steam of Consciousness

Posted in death, Doom and Evil, love, Reality Bites, Religion, Ultimate Reality, Uncategorized, World of Emotions with tags , , , on August 12, 2008 by wizardsmoke

It is so crazy that all these impulses firing off from the body 24-7 are just nature’s duality aiming to perpetuate itself. Every kind of love, just another little explosion that comes and goes. And your life: what is that? A bubble that passes without a divine purpose. But that’s not surprising or even that depressing, because the notion of a divine purpose is just another samsaric time-space construction of the human experience. The only divine purpose anyone should be looking for is an escape.

All those science-fiction/surrealist stories and movies that talk about aliens or the government or machines implanting memories and thoughts into people’s minds (basically a real phenomenon at this point), I wonder how different those plot ideas are from our day-to-day emotional attachments anyway? I mean, isn’t the spectrum of emotional change just a temporary flux in cosmic consciousness that we experience under the illusion of a personal identity? As we grow, we experience the growth and maturity of nature’s course and attach ourselves to it, but it’s really just par for the course in time-space.

Sunrise to sunset, life is just a play or a dance where each person gets no divine retribution for their suffering. We’re all responsible for ourselves ultimately and that’s what is so freaking sad, right? It would be easy if we could just put our hearts under lock-and-key and fumble after violent strength; but in a typical universal twist, you can’t hurt others without hurting yourself! So power isn’t a long-term solution.

The illusionary personal quality of emotions and the subsequent attachment to them is the cause for our beliefs in emotional truths and concrete purpose. The idea of a savior, messiah, prophet or whatever is a dramatic emotional yearning. Like emotions, this belief is a natural element that accompanies life as an individual creature. I guess you could call it hope. But I see hope a bit like life — it too must sparkle and fade. Hope mainly exists as a fantastic internal quality rather than as any reinforced experience in reality.

The problem I have with all these religious/cult-like claims of individuals being the one true leader, savior, godhead, prophet — or whatever, is that there is no final endgame result to the cosmic experience. Religious leaders have to peg themselves or their icons as the final truth to get people’s attention, but there is no final truth in the sense that most people think there is. The “final truth” usurps the vanity and tacky glory that humans attach themselves to.

Before one clearly sees beyond the individual body and emotional attachments, there is a fear that kicks in when one gets a brief glimpse of the objective, infinite nature of things. In fact, the identity’s suffering is something of a conundrum because it suffers for it’s identity. To relinquish the ego entirely also means not to exist individually, right? But it’s only painful because you exist individually. An individual is attached to their self, which is in itself a major source of suffering.

So the ego fights for itself desperately, like everything that exists argues for its own perpetuation and existence. Eventually, with practice/insight/maturity, some people learn to bypass or “hack” their egos and see the universe from a more complete picture. This is a different kind of… “escape” than a religious salvation that takes people to heaven (for ever and ever, amen) and without direct experience many people are skeptical of such insights.

But without these insights, if everything were doomed to pale and there were no way out, wouldn’t that mean we’re living in some kind of hell realm? I guess I see why religious folks have tried to paint a pretty picture beyond life. But without direct awareness of a primordial or deathless state, how are we to avoid skepticism of its existence?

Shame Upon Thee!

Posted in Reality Bites, World of Emotions with tags , , , , , on February 3, 2008 by wizardsmoke

People tell me I’m a pretty antagonistic fellow. But I don’t see it that way at all. I’m just defending myself from the manipulations of others: their energies, their versions of truth. I’m arguing for my own story–to be original. I don’t like being manipulated. And when folks rub each other’s backs, waxing on about their common desires, it’s just slimy.

I don’t like to do the following with others:

  • Share serious sexual thoughts about women I see
  • Share serious sensual thoughts about food I see
  • Take pride in common agreements, or character judgments

Sound crazy? Well, you won’t catch me in a porno anytime soon, that’s for damn sure! I’m glad I couldn’t live with that kind of shame over my head/conscience.

Have you noticed how much importance some traditional cultures, like Japan, India or indigenous peoples can delegate to shame over physical pain? Sometimes physical pain needs to be swallowed to avoid shame.

‘Coz living in shame just plain sucks! It’s sometimes worse to live in shame than to live in physical pain. I mean, you don’t have to come back to a damaged body after this mortal coil, but your sick mindstream keeps on going, and going, and going…