Archive for anger

Innocence Faded

Posted in Beauty, Fighting, Happiness, health, love, martial arts, Reality Bites, Relationships, society, Uncategorized, World of Emotions with tags , , , , , , , on November 21, 2008 by wizardsmoke

Most of us, in our youth, are in pretty good health. But our bodies fall apart as we age. And this is another reason martial arts are so stupid — they speed up the injury process. Everyone who really invests something in the martial arts gets some kind of permanent injury. It’s really dumb.

As our bodies age, so do our perceptions of life, the world, society. Hormones, man… In our pristine youth, we see various aspects of our community — firemen, policemen, doctors, garbagemen, construction workers, teachers, etc. as these pure bastions of social well-being. They represent some upstanding portion of our community. They are our friends — people to be trusted.

But with age we see the frail humanity inherent to every person. Our community is made up of people, who are subject to emotions, corruption and disease and bias. It may not all be bad, but should we get caught in the jaws of the system, usually due to an absence of money or opportunity, the tide of society works against our favor. This is something that is hard to grasp for the wealthy, who may not understand the despair felt by those who are continually looked down upon by the society they live in. The disenfranchised of society are jaded very quickly.

This emotional despair is much like the melancholy and hopelessness felt when our bodies are first permanently damaged or injured. Injury is very upsetting, and in some ways I wonder if this isn’t the point of the martial arts: to injure you and then teach you how to keep practicing regardless of this injury. A perverse conscious idea, but a prevalent theme nonetheless! Anyway, it’s a matter of still living as a good person despite the terrible misfortunes that fall upon you. This is not possible for some people.

And perhaps worse, or just as bad, is the pain we feel when hurting another. Injuring another person is a terrible feeling and excessive damage to others creates a terrible catatonic state in oneself. In ways, this is like when people become corrupted by the corruption they see in society. Or when people become like the things that have abused them: parents, gangs, fraternities, cults, etc. I would like to think that I have devoted my life to not becoming like those negative people or things which shaped who I am. I could never write off hurting other people.

I don’t know if people are inherently good or bad, but some people have very big problems. Greed, anger, lust, laziness, anxiety and aversion — these things overtake the mind and isolate us from others. I really wonder if loneliness isn’t just a result of an emotionally consumed mind.

Heart of the Cult (Part I)

Posted in Cults, Doom and Evil, Relationships, society, World of Emotions with tags , , , , on April 21, 2008 by wizardsmoke

It is of interest to question the origin of “hate groups” or malicious organizations. This includes Nazism, fundamentalist religious groups, terrorists, gangs, college fraternities, Satanic and black magick groups, cults and so forth. Under what pretext do they exist? Power in numbers and fear. Of course, the fear originates not necessarily from the things they claim to hate; it is rather a fear of the powerlessness or insignificance of the self.

Outside of society’s norms and laws, the basic tenet of existence is: might makes right. For even the laws which seem to protect the weaker individual interests, are still just the power schemata imposed overhead by a dominant group. Of course, the maintenance of power and the seizure of power are very different modes of operation. Good historical examples include the Yuan Dynasty of ancient China. The Mongols were exceptionally skilled at melee combat, but were absolutely terrible at ruling a (foreign) country.

Unfortunately, the quest for power — particularly worldly power — is a futile quest. No matter how tough one can become, one is powerless against a gun. No matter how good one is with a firearm, one is powerless against a militia. No matter how well-trained a militia, it is powerless against a better-funded and organized army. No matter how powerful an army, it is powerless against a country it depends upon for resources, trade and sustenance. Eventually, obsessive power is balanced by the intervention of nature itself.

Basically, hate groups offer a promise of protection to its members. Members often join because they themselves have been the victims of abuse, or violent or hateful crimes. Since the group enforces local violence, it seems less likely that one will be the target of violence. This has a romantic notion too — a sense of power or pride in one’s community, that one is feared for one’s associations. On the other hand, if one does not join their ranks and their “protection” one is prey to their crosshairs.

This dynamic is something of an absurd irony — out fear of being prey, one supports the very ideas which prey upon others. This seems to pervade communities the world over — if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. This is a manifestation of the heart of every cult (and isn’t everything a cult ultimately?), in which the individual becomes reshaped in the image of the cult. Another way of defining this is saying the individual becomes “possessed” by the gods or ideals of the cult. It works a bit like enculturation, but even further ingrained in the individual spirit.

Incidentally, cults and hate groups draw people in at their weakest. For some people this is in their youth and adolescence. While reading through The Encyclopedia of Witches and Witchcraft last month, I was struck by how many sorcerors and witches were initiated into their practices as children, by old men or women. Preying upon a child is a serious crime because a child is so easily manipulated and reshaped. The abuse enacted upon a child becomes the earliest tools used to relate to the world at large. As mentioned before in regards to gangs, victims of abuse or initiation often continue the cycle by in turn committing the same acts upon another.

This is similar to the way cults and hate groups coerce new members while they are in periods of self-doubt or serious emotional distress. People in the wake of tragedy, new emotions, loneliness or in need of guidance often are desperate for someone to rely upon.

I would say that the openly angry youth culture of the present comes largely from an extreme fear, an extreme insecurity and defensiveness against a world that is becoming ever more competitive and yet simultaneously devoid of imagination. Anger brings a very romantic association with it and is a very persuasive quality for those unprepared to fend it off. Anger desires submission to its whims, and like all romances, is very persuasive with its agenda. If one is afraid of possessing inferior strength, intelligence, wealth or power, then hate can seem like a viable means of warding off predators. Unfortunately it also makes one blind and forgetful, much like lust or greed.

Where does hate come from? The Christian world designates evil as some kind of in-born malice, but many people today recognize that negative actions can come from negative home, school and social environments. Environment as a root factor doesn’t explain everything, but it proves a point: a person’s character cannot be the result of any one single cause.

Identity’s Revenge!

Posted in Fighting, martial arts, Relationships, society, World of Emotions with tags , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2008 by wizardsmoke

Growing up in a dysfunctional family, I thought all the time about how my life came into existence. Just whose fault was it that my life sucked so bad, that I was so depressed? As you’d imagine, I didn’t really get to the bottom of any of it, but I certainly got pretty frustrated. One thing I did learn is that I hate violent or angry arguments, and I am pretty good at spotting where they begin to occur. I absolutely will not tolerate relationships where those kinds of things appear at all frequently. Not that anybody should, it’s just unhealthy. But, I can’t say that my siblings all learned the same lessons from our dysfunctional youth as I did.

The outcome of explosive arguments and confrontations are a bit like the outcome of revenge. The whole ordeal comes from the desire of one individual to make the other see things their way. Revenge is some desire to create equality of experiences between two parties, of which one feels unjustly wronged. The reason it is futile is simply because we have no ability to perceive the experiences of another. And the more one cares about the perceptions and experiences of another, the more unbalanced and unhappy one becomes.

Revenge works like this. Have you ever gone searching desperately for one thing, or one person? It is miserable and pathetic. While searching for one thing around you, you completely neglect the other things that are going on at the same time. Have you ever had a crush on someone for a while and then neglected the affections of someone else close to you? People want to make the object of revenge see how much pain they have felt or how much pain they have caused their victims. But this is something subjective. You can make them hate you the way you hate them, but this really doesn’t solve any of your problems. It actually makes them worse. If someone is legitimately sorry for something they have done, what can you do about it? Is the situation resolved?

I concluded at one point from my experiences in life that, relationships are not painful if one does not get involved in them. Any decent martial arts teacher will tell you not to get involved in a fight if at all possible. All of samsara, or existence, is like this. It’s something we’ve decided to get involved in, somehow. Our relationships with people are so painful because we identify with them, we get involved in them. When someone we are not involved with passes away, we’re not emotionally effected in a direct manner. We do not identify with them. It seems to me that everything we are attached to is something we identify with.

The worst part about revenge or arguments or anything of this ilk, is that we know we’re not supposed to let ourselves get carried away with them. Revenge is a bad idea, but the emotions involved are so palpable and strong. And doesn’t giving up on revenge make us a weak person? I don’t know, there’s a time and place for everything. But arguments and actions should only happen naturally. In other words, it is better not to run after them or attempt to create those circumstances, much as with romance or anything else.